I hope this video is suitable for work. Now you gotta sit there all day in wet panties...
Just so you know, I did get you a present; all's I gotta do is get it to you now. I found a DVD retrospective: Def Leppard Rock of Ages, and it was screaming your name. Let's get together soon, birthday girl!
Love,
None Given
Monday, April 30, 2007
Happy Birthday Kitten Chow
My turn! My turn!
1. I don't know anyone on this blog except Catfish and None Given
2. I have hotflashes
3. I love my job but don't want to work anymore
4. I'm going to try to find a gym downtown so I can workout during work
5. 4 guys at work have a 'crush' on me. Maybe 5
6. I've been single for 4 years
7. I believe I'm the oldest person on this blog
8. My daughter is awesome
9. I like jigsaw puzzles
10. I never eat what I really want to eat
11. I had breast cancer and I'm all better now
12. Some perceive me as being a snob...but I don't think I am
13. I just found out that my desk is going to be moved.....I DON"T THINK SO!
14. ....I have to move my desk by tomorrow
15. I don't love my job so much after all
16. I can eat extremely large portions of food
17. My dogs are little Gods
18. I tend to ramble
So that's a little more about me!
2. I have hotflashes
3. I love my job but don't want to work anymore
4. I'm going to try to find a gym downtown so I can workout during work
5. 4 guys at work have a 'crush' on me. Maybe 5
6. I've been single for 4 years
7. I believe I'm the oldest person on this blog
8. My daughter is awesome
9. I like jigsaw puzzles
10. I never eat what I really want to eat
11. I had breast cancer and I'm all better now
12. Some perceive me as being a snob...but I don't think I am
13. I just found out that my desk is going to be moved.....I DON"T THINK SO!
14. ....I have to move my desk by tomorrow
15. I don't love my job so much after all
16. I can eat extremely large portions of food
17. My dogs are little Gods
18. I tend to ramble
So that's a little more about me!
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Crap Report and Damage Assessment
ADO, I'm sorry I didn't get to the boys in time. I'm suffering a massive head cold, and after I took the Noner and the Viking to school, I came home and laid down for awhile.
I got to the boys at 11:30AM, but it was already too late.
Crap Report:
-Two piles over by the sliding glass door (the poopoo pad was untouched).
-One viscous pile in the living room
Damage Assessment:
One "Seattle's Best Places" Magazine. (Now we know Chewie's feelings about this particular publication.) The magazine was disposed of in the kitchen trash receptacle.
Conclusion:
Both boys were guilty, as evidenced by the poo on both of their butt hair areas. (They each got power washed by the shower massage.)
End report.
I got to the boys at 11:30AM, but it was already too late.
Crap Report:
-Two piles over by the sliding glass door (the poopoo pad was untouched).
-One viscous pile in the living room
Damage Assessment:
One "Seattle's Best Places" Magazine. (Now we know Chewie's feelings about this particular publication.) The magazine was disposed of in the kitchen trash receptacle.
Conclusion:
Both boys were guilty, as evidenced by the poo on both of their butt hair areas. (They each got power washed by the shower massage.)
End report.
Uncomfortable Silences
You know, I got to thinkin the other day when I was reading all the posts here. I am the odd man out. I only know Catfish cuz I used to work with him, and I think I recall meeting his lovely wife once. The rest of you know each other well, are more than just virtual friends. You all know what each other looks like, what you smell like, (hopefully not bad), what your likes are.. what your dislikes are... you all have probably shared a meal or two. I know that somebody here even babysit's somebody else's dogs, which I think rocks. So I decided that I would share some information with you all, so that I could feel like I belonged.. Like I was SOMEBODY. Or .. perhaps this will just serve to further alienate myself because you all will be like, who is this freak? Who is this 'outsider'? Why is she trying to get in on our conversation? Kind of like that person at a party that nobody really knows, that just interjects themselves into your conversations.. followed by awkward silences.. (yes, that's me). So, without further ado (no.. not Anonymous Dog Owner..)here is some worthless tidbits of information about me.
1. I have a dog named Winston. He's a miniature schnauzer.
2. I will be 40 this year and LOVE it.
3. I am in the process of ending my marriage (trust me, it's all good.. no need for more awkward silences)
4. I have a 12 year old son
5. I love Chocolate
6. I have flat abs (but no boobs so it all works out... get something good.. there's always something not soo good to balance it out)
7. I hate pantyhose and will never ever wear them ever again
8. I have a purse fetish
9. I think Rosie O'Donnell is annoying
10. I want to get a cat
11. I have a date tonight
12. I drive a very old car that still runs (can you say no car payment?)
13. I love my job
14. I know sign language fluently (my parents are deaf)
15. Red is my favorite color (right now)
16. I read everything I can (reading is like a drug to me)
17. I like Vodka
18. I have two tattoos
19. I like being alone
20. I drink decaf
So there you have it. This is by no means a comprehensive list, but I know you were all dying to know about me.
1. I have a dog named Winston. He's a miniature schnauzer.
2. I will be 40 this year and LOVE it.
3. I am in the process of ending my marriage (trust me, it's all good.. no need for more awkward silences)
4. I have a 12 year old son
5. I love Chocolate
6. I have flat abs (but no boobs so it all works out... get something good.. there's always something not soo good to balance it out)
7. I hate pantyhose and will never ever wear them ever again
8. I have a purse fetish
9. I think Rosie O'Donnell is annoying
10. I want to get a cat
11. I have a date tonight
12. I drive a very old car that still runs (can you say no car payment?)
13. I love my job
14. I know sign language fluently (my parents are deaf)
15. Red is my favorite color (right now)
16. I read everything I can (reading is like a drug to me)
17. I like Vodka
18. I have two tattoos
19. I like being alone
20. I drink decaf
So there you have it. This is by no means a comprehensive list, but I know you were all dying to know about me.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Undies
Let me tell you, in regards to the post below, my old lady looked REAL GOOD in that there tight ass shirt... I was all like BAM!!! Yeah...
I am all for my old lady getting some super sexy underwear... Hell, I will go and buy it for her... Who's with me??? Let's go shopping...
I may start a business, shopping for sexy underwear for gals... Catfish's Sexy Underwear Shopping Service... You will have to just trust my judgement, don't question it... Just appreciate my efforts...
I suppose that I could open this up to boys too... but what fun would that be? Hell, just look in the International Male catalog and buy yourself a sling... Hey, that sounds like a good idea, I think I will do that right now... I always wanted one (hint hint, someones b-day is coming up...
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
A Fiona Moment
OK, first of all, this is more a story for girls, I think, so if you are a girl, read on. If you are a boy, how the fuck would I know if you're reading this or not, so, whatever.
So anyway, I washed all my cute new shirts that I got in NY today, threw them in the dryer so they would be all, uh, you know, clean and stuff. And you know how it is when you wash new clothes for the first time, you can't wait to try them on. And the thing is, I did not try these shirts on in the dressing room at the store. I didn't have time for that, see, but they looked about right so I just bought them. Sometimes I like to live dangerously like that. Sometimes I am like the Steve Irwin of apparel purchasing.
So, I pull them out of the dryer and decide to try on my favorite one first. It's a cap-sleeve white t-shirt with aqua-colored sleeves, and the front is printed all over with little aqua monkey head faces. They kinda look like Bobby Jack faces, which was the whole reason I bought it in the first place (because Fiona and Jessica love Bobby Jack clothes, and I wanted to be twins with them--or I guess it would be more like a triplet with them or something).
Anyway, before we get to the actual part where I try on the shirt, I have to tell another story which relates to this main story. It's kind of a pig-in-a-blanket situation. I have this littler story (which I am about to tell--this is the little hot dog part) which is wrapped inside the bigger, main story, which is the biscuit.
So, the hot dog part of the situation is that a couple weeks ago, I did something both completely extravagant (in my book anyway, which isn't saying much) and yet completely necessary. I went to Victoria's Secret and bought 4 bras, all at the same time, together, and they weren't even really on sale or anything. The last time I bought bras was when Clinton was still president, and I went to Penney's and bought a couple old lady bras that were 2-for-1, which also came with a mail-in offer for ANOTHER bra (same style, same size), so it was really more like 3-for-1, and I felt very proud of myself for spending 20 dollars on 3 bras. It doesn't take much, I guess. (Actually, now that I think about it, this whole "Penneys aside" is almost like another story within the hot dog. Maybe this is a cheese-filled pig in a blanket.)
So, back to Victoria's Secret, aka the hot dog, not only did I purchase 4 bras in one sitting (?) at what could arguably be called "full price," but I went for the push-up kind. It was funny. The tags on the bras said "Very Sexy" on them. Just like that. Them Victoria's Secret people, they don't mince words. They had other sections of the store divided up according to varying levels of sexiness. Although I can't exactly remember the verbiage posted above each type of bra, it was something like, "Minimally Sexy," "Sort of Sexy," "Mostly Sexy," and so on. Or at least that was my impression. And what red-blooded American woman would choose anything but "Very Sexy," is what I'd like to know. "It's not your full effort unless you give 110%, or perhaps you are a commie," the bra seemed to say.
So I tried an assortment of these sexy bras on, sampling from all different levels of sexiness, and the "Very Sexy" push-up bra was the winner. Ding ding ding! These colors don't run! You see, I remember back in the day, before bearing children and sustaining their life via my boobs, what it was like to look at myself in the mirror and see my nipples looking back at me. They seemed to say, "Hello there, Paula. You're looking swell today." And then one day, many years later, I looked in the mirror again at myself, and said "Hello there, nipples," and they didn't answer me because they were too busy looking at the interesting pattern of the bathroom floor tiles. They just stopped caring.
And so that day in the Victoria's Secret fitting room, I put the girls back in their place, so to speak. I put my shirt on over them and turned sideways. The effect was astounding, and I immediately went back out into the store and picked out 3 more bras to take home.
The next couple of days after that I went through, let's just say, a period of adjustment. For example, I sat down on the couch to read for a little bit, and as I opened my book, there was a moment of slight astonishment as I looked down and...there they were. A gleeful thrill came over me, because I had to hold my book out a little farther than usual. They were almost in the way.
(This concludes the hot dog portion of the story. Now, onto the biscuit.)
So, like I said, I didn't try this monkeyhead shirt on before I bought it, and as soon as I pull it out of the dryer I try it on. Fiona and Jessica are with me, and Jeff is in the living room. I pull the shirt on over my head and down over my torso, and notice with distaste that it is tight. As in "skintight." Did it shrink in the wash? Dammit. (I'm not a fan of tight shirts. They make me feel like I have to hold my stomach up all day, and that can be a drag.) I go into the bathroom, all the while thinking that this shirt will be ending up in the goodwill bag, and when I see myself in the mirror, I bust out (ha ha) laughing. I immediately think of Taki from Soul Caliber for Nintendo...you know, those anime chicks with the big racks. I'm howling in the bathroom, the girls are telling me how cute I am, and then Jeff walks in.
I holler to him something like, "Check this shit out," and start laughing all over again. He replies something along the lines of, "That's a really really nice shirt you have there," and "I am enjoying this particular moment of looking at you with that shirt on,"or something like that.
(One more aside: I spend several hours each day at a community college in music class, and naturally, most of the people in my class are the appropriate college age of somewhere around early 20ish. This includes the males in the class. There is a particular 20ish-type male who thinks he's Zoroastrian's gift to the ladies, if you know what I mean, notwithstanding the fact that he's a total knob. He has tried his moves on me more than once, which includes saying things like, "You want me, don't you?" And, "Hey, when are you gonna flash me?" And, "Damn, you're hot." He's THAT smooth. In the interest of protecting his anonymity, I will be referring to him as "Knob.")
So, there's this little scene happening in the bathroom involving my freaking out over my Very Sexy boobs. Jeff and the girls are all telling me "Oh my god, that's the cutest shirt EVER!" So, I decide to keep the monkeyhead shirt, and hang it in the closet.
And I guess this pig-in-a-blanket must be eaten with ketchup if it's to be done proper, so here comes the ketchup part, supplied by Fiona.
Me (hanging up shirt): OK, I guess I'll keep it.
Jeff/Fiona/Jessica: It's so cute on you!
Me: Yes, I suppose it would be fun to wear it to school someday and watch Knob totally freak out.
Fiona: YEAH!!! Is that because Knob really likes monkeys?
Me: Yep. He sure does. He really really likes monkeys.
So anyway, I washed all my cute new shirts that I got in NY today, threw them in the dryer so they would be all, uh, you know, clean and stuff. And you know how it is when you wash new clothes for the first time, you can't wait to try them on. And the thing is, I did not try these shirts on in the dressing room at the store. I didn't have time for that, see, but they looked about right so I just bought them. Sometimes I like to live dangerously like that. Sometimes I am like the Steve Irwin of apparel purchasing.
So, I pull them out of the dryer and decide to try on my favorite one first. It's a cap-sleeve white t-shirt with aqua-colored sleeves, and the front is printed all over with little aqua monkey head faces. They kinda look like Bobby Jack faces, which was the whole reason I bought it in the first place (because Fiona and Jessica love Bobby Jack clothes, and I wanted to be twins with them--or I guess it would be more like a triplet with them or something).
Anyway, before we get to the actual part where I try on the shirt, I have to tell another story which relates to this main story. It's kind of a pig-in-a-blanket situation. I have this littler story (which I am about to tell--this is the little hot dog part) which is wrapped inside the bigger, main story, which is the biscuit.
So, the hot dog part of the situation is that a couple weeks ago, I did something both completely extravagant (in my book anyway, which isn't saying much) and yet completely necessary. I went to Victoria's Secret and bought 4 bras, all at the same time, together, and they weren't even really on sale or anything. The last time I bought bras was when Clinton was still president, and I went to Penney's and bought a couple old lady bras that were 2-for-1, which also came with a mail-in offer for ANOTHER bra (same style, same size), so it was really more like 3-for-1, and I felt very proud of myself for spending 20 dollars on 3 bras. It doesn't take much, I guess. (Actually, now that I think about it, this whole "Penneys aside" is almost like another story within the hot dog. Maybe this is a cheese-filled pig in a blanket.)
So, back to Victoria's Secret, aka the hot dog, not only did I purchase 4 bras in one sitting (?) at what could arguably be called "full price," but I went for the push-up kind. It was funny. The tags on the bras said "Very Sexy" on them. Just like that. Them Victoria's Secret people, they don't mince words. They had other sections of the store divided up according to varying levels of sexiness. Although I can't exactly remember the verbiage posted above each type of bra, it was something like, "Minimally Sexy," "Sort of Sexy," "Mostly Sexy," and so on. Or at least that was my impression. And what red-blooded American woman would choose anything but "Very Sexy," is what I'd like to know. "It's not your full effort unless you give 110%, or perhaps you are a commie," the bra seemed to say.
So I tried an assortment of these sexy bras on, sampling from all different levels of sexiness, and the "Very Sexy" push-up bra was the winner. Ding ding ding! These colors don't run! You see, I remember back in the day, before bearing children and sustaining their life via my boobs, what it was like to look at myself in the mirror and see my nipples looking back at me. They seemed to say, "Hello there, Paula. You're looking swell today." And then one day, many years later, I looked in the mirror again at myself, and said "Hello there, nipples," and they didn't answer me because they were too busy looking at the interesting pattern of the bathroom floor tiles. They just stopped caring.
And so that day in the Victoria's Secret fitting room, I put the girls back in their place, so to speak. I put my shirt on over them and turned sideways. The effect was astounding, and I immediately went back out into the store and picked out 3 more bras to take home.
The next couple of days after that I went through, let's just say, a period of adjustment. For example, I sat down on the couch to read for a little bit, and as I opened my book, there was a moment of slight astonishment as I looked down and...there they were. A gleeful thrill came over me, because I had to hold my book out a little farther than usual. They were almost in the way.
(This concludes the hot dog portion of the story. Now, onto the biscuit.)
So, like I said, I didn't try this monkeyhead shirt on before I bought it, and as soon as I pull it out of the dryer I try it on. Fiona and Jessica are with me, and Jeff is in the living room. I pull the shirt on over my head and down over my torso, and notice with distaste that it is tight. As in "skintight." Did it shrink in the wash? Dammit. (I'm not a fan of tight shirts. They make me feel like I have to hold my stomach up all day, and that can be a drag.) I go into the bathroom, all the while thinking that this shirt will be ending up in the goodwill bag, and when I see myself in the mirror, I bust out (ha ha) laughing. I immediately think of Taki from Soul Caliber for Nintendo...you know, those anime chicks with the big racks. I'm howling in the bathroom, the girls are telling me how cute I am, and then Jeff walks in.
I holler to him something like, "Check this shit out," and start laughing all over again. He replies something along the lines of, "That's a really really nice shirt you have there," and "I am enjoying this particular moment of looking at you with that shirt on,"or something like that.
(One more aside: I spend several hours each day at a community college in music class, and naturally, most of the people in my class are the appropriate college age of somewhere around early 20ish. This includes the males in the class. There is a particular 20ish-type male who thinks he's Zoroastrian's gift to the ladies, if you know what I mean, notwithstanding the fact that he's a total knob. He has tried his moves on me more than once, which includes saying things like, "You want me, don't you?" And, "Hey, when are you gonna flash me?" And, "Damn, you're hot." He's THAT smooth. In the interest of protecting his anonymity, I will be referring to him as "Knob.")
So, there's this little scene happening in the bathroom involving my freaking out over my Very Sexy boobs. Jeff and the girls are all telling me "Oh my god, that's the cutest shirt EVER!" So, I decide to keep the monkeyhead shirt, and hang it in the closet.
And I guess this pig-in-a-blanket must be eaten with ketchup if it's to be done proper, so here comes the ketchup part, supplied by Fiona.
Me (hanging up shirt): OK, I guess I'll keep it.
Jeff/Fiona/Jessica: It's so cute on you!
Me: Yes, I suppose it would be fun to wear it to school someday and watch Knob totally freak out.
Fiona: YEAH!!! Is that because Knob really likes monkeys?
Me: Yep. He sure does. He really really likes monkeys.
New Fuckin' York!
We got back last night. Our choir was the best. Seriously. We made all the other choirs our bitches.
For those of you who haven't been, I really don't know what to say about NY, because it was so awesome it was sick. I'm in love with the subway. And the Mr. Softee ice cream trucks. And the totally cute cheap clothes.
I think I must have walked 30 miles over the weekend, and I didn't even notice. what did I see, you ask? I think you mean, what didn't I see?
I'm pretty sure I saw it all. Statue of Liberty, as exhibited above, Empire State Building, Ground Zero, Central Park, Times Square, John Lennon's apartment building, Carnegie Hall (duh), the Carnegie Deli with the most insanely orgasmic pickles on the planet...and the (cue the angels singing) Garment District, jammed with wholesale CUTE things all over the place.
Wait 'til y'all see my silver sequined high tops. You will be so envious you will want to jack me for my shoes. But the glare from them will confuse you and you will end up blindly flailing about. And then you'll probably poop your pants. so don't even try it.
We all need to go there. All the Super Happies. We'll all go in on a room together to keep things cheap and then rock the town all night. For reals. I'm ready to go back right now. Who's in?
Monday, April 23, 2007
Nevermind overjoyed, just start with Happy
Just a couple things here, yo...
1) We will all be overjoyed when None Given gets back... My life lacks meaning without her being around to listen to my witty asides... Oh, and it was so quiet around here because I was busy
2) WTF is little people?!? I think I know but my mind is rebelling... if it is what I think it is I think it would have been HILARIOUS if they got their heads stuck in the doo-hickey and got themselves
3) 8 pounds, way to go...
4) Kitten Chow... There is a rumour, that Rage Against the Machine, since the sellout left Audioslave, is getting together for a few shows... for real...
5) ATTN: Somebody FINALLY decided to join us... Let it be known that I received an email today from this hot little number that wants to join the friendship club... I am expecting she should appear at any time... I don't know what she is going to call herself so I am going to busy myself trying to think up a nickname for her... for some reason, the first name that popped into my head was Skidmark... for the life of me I don't know why... Whatever it is I expect it will probably be in tribute to her passion for ME... perhaps Catfish Lover, or Trey Hornier (pronounced hor-ne-eh)... I should stop there, but I must add, that I was thinking that she could call herself Captain Morgan... and then you would have to say to yourself, Captain Morgan, but thats a liquor... and I would say something like, yeah, so is she... BUM BUM BUMP CHAAA... although I really having nothing to base this on and I am only trying to gush with enthusiasm at her joining the group... I think I have only ever been in the same room as her maybe 2 or 3 times in my life... but she is rawkin....
Yeah...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
